(:

45

2010-02-18T13:16:00.000+08:00

happy birthday to malia tan! (:

44

2010-01-25T12:20:00.002+08:00

4.5 more months and i'm losing it. disillusioned.

[counting down. counting down. not yet soon but i think i can smell it. mmm, it smells kinda good. (: ]

43

2010-01-19T09:56:00.001+08:00

if only i knew what to say to you at the appropriate time. i've hit the crossroad and ain't no turning back anymore.

many a times i've seriously contemplated of messaging you and asked about your well-being, going back to how we were back then. but i'm just glad my resolute was strong enough to prevent me from doing so.

this should very well be the last thing about you appearing on this blog. it's a day for closure, a day to move on.

[no quotes of the day.]

42

2010-01-12T21:05:00.000+08:00

it's the time of the year again and for the second straight year running, i'm celebrating my birthday in camp. i still remember the previous time when i was still in advanced infantry course and the day itself happened to be on the first day of my final field camp in Singapore. how nice it was to mark the day with a start of a 5D4N outfield camp.

fast forward one year and i'm still celebrating it in camp in the midst of a major division exercise.

i don't know if it's the age factor or the 'in-camp' factor or some other factors that actually made me lost interest in what we call it as a 'birthday mood' anymore. i would most probably blame it on the fact that i'm in camp, i'm in the midst of a major exercise, i'm busy, i'm tired, my life's mundane without any goals in life that attributed it to what i feel today.

and for what i always wish on my birthday, wishing my family stay happy and healthy, i will for once change this year.

[all i ask for this year, is for a happier year ahead, smooth- sailing all the way!]

41

2010-01-05T21:14:00.000+08:00

thinkin back on what people often say or do, i will reitarate on what i've said before and always believed in. over time, things often get forgotten, promises unfulfilled, things will always turn out the way you knew it would but you just chose to think otherwise.

i'm not being a skeptic or a paranoid but i've gone through so much in life that i have lost faith in...everything?

every now and then, we're always denying that we're living in denial. oh and we all know the truth hurts.

[people often forget the good, and never fail to remember the shortcomings of man.]

40

2009-12-31T20:32:00.000+08:00

and to a better year ahead

happy 2010 people. (:

39

2009-12-28T13:19:00.000+08:00

do you look back?
do you remember?
do you reminisce?
do you relive the memories?
do you think about it?
do you regret it?
do you miss me?
do you even think about me?

[these are the questions i always ask myself. the questions which i know will never have an answer. ]

38

2009-12-27T19:48:00.000+08:00

after like 13days away from camp, it really feels lazy and kinda awful to book in yet again.

these 13days are like so enjoyable meeting up with people whom i've not seen for a long time! i wouldn't ask for more. i've really had fun. thank you peeps.

[merry christmas and to a happy new year (: ]

37

2009-12-21T12:13:00.002+08:00

i switched on my old laptop just yest night and what greeted me was an old wallpaper that had you in my arms. stared at it for a good 3 secs and stumbled on a folder named after you and proceeded to check out what's inside. BAD MOVE. i saw another 3 photos of us and my heart immediately pulled.

i hate to admit this but i do miss you still.

[i dreamt of you yest
it was a nightmare
i woke up
with tears in my eyes]

36

2009-12-18T19:27:00.002+08:00

blogging while sitting on the train with an aunty beside me.

just had a very enjoyable company cohesion at sentosa with games like beach soccer, beach vball, frisbee. Didn't know like 30+ guys can have fun like that. Everyone with me inclusive got thrown into the sea, making sure all had a sea salt bath.

~~tml's the big day! seeya all at my party tml ladies and boys!~~ cancelled.

[sunburnt. aunty beside must be thinkin why i'm generating so much heat out. LOL!]

35

2009-12-15T14:01:00.000+08:00

‘the tragedy of life is not how quickly it ended, but how long we took to start it.‘

i saw this post from a friend on facebook. and with that, i've decided not to dwell on the thing that has been harassing me for months and move on with life. no more reasoning, no more talking about it.

[it's a lesson learnt
and i'm grateful and thankful for it]

34

2009-12-14T15:53:00.000+08:00

i had a chat with a friend from camp yest for about an hour during the wee hours and from it, i gained invaluable advice and both of us shared our experiences and stuffs we encountered in life. somehow or rather, we seem to be on the same boat just that it seem that i'm going through what he has went through.

it's quite nice to know that amidst the not-so-good people we've met in life, there are people who really care (or kpo) and genuinely relates to life.

i was lost and confused and nearly wanted to relent and give in, but after this. well, maybe not.

[don't give in. be heartless. make the other party feel guilty. this way, she'll learn from it and hopefully the next time around, she won't hurt another nice guy who comes along. if not, the guy who got hurt will play around hurting other girls. it'll then become a vicious cycle.

what goes around, comes around. the world's already an unfriendly place. let's not make it worse.

love. ]

33

2009-12-06T02:40:00.001+08:00

emotional, nostalgic, regrets.

looking back, i don't really quite make out how everything turned out to be. what we used to have, how we used to spend our time together, why we did those stupid things, when we used to plan our future, how we want our lives would be when we grow old together.

to me, my world crumbled when you decided to take things into your own hands, not giving me even the slightest chance to intervene. to say i didn't suspect a single thing is too much of an overstatement, but its the amount of trust and faith i had in us made me think otherwise. little did i know, you're always there to prove me wrong, that is of no exception.

i have not forgotten any stuffs you told me on that very fateful night, or morning if one should insist, citing the facts that i was over-reliant on you and my character and actions sometimes made you think twice about who you really wanted in the nearer future.

in those close-to-be 2 years where we spent almost all the time we had together, i became too protective and dedicated too much time to you, alienating me from my family and friends. family and friends soon realised the difficulty in locating my whereabouts and gave up on asking me out, knowing i've prioritized all my time to you.

maybe what i wanted for you, wasn't what you wanted from me, but all i did for you, was what i thought was the best for you and us. but in life, i've come to realise that things wouldn't always go as planned, and that's the wonder of it.

to be honest, i think of you at times. i look back at the many memories we once shared. flashes of almost everything we once did together haunts me all the time when i began doing it myself.

the strings to my heart pull all the time when i began thinking back on the times and memories we had. but what really hurts me most, was how you chose to end it all, with a simple lie, via the most insincere way ever, a fucking sms.

[so after all those that i've done for you,
i was nothing but a 7-page sms to you]

32

2009-12-04T01:52:00.000+08:00

to my uip men:

on the whole, i'm very proud of you guys. well done.

[the high spirits you all maintained, overpowering your fatigue levels, are what we looked for, and you all managed to do just that. (: ]

31

2009-12-01T23:03:00.000+08:00

for the first time, i hope you'll see this blog entry.

i really have no idea why, or for whatever reason you called just now. from how much i know you, it wasn't about the singtel stuffs. whatever the reason will or might be, i sincerely hope you'll stop it. how our relationship ended still baffles me but i no longer long for anymore answers. you have what you've wanted and i'm having what i've missed for the past 2 years we're together. no matter how direct or crude it may seem, i just want to have nothing to do with you from today onwards.

[stop acting like you cared,
'cos we've lost what we've had
we'll never be how we used to be
let it go and set me free..]

30

2009-11-30T08:13:00.000+08:00

here we are back to the reality of the daily routine, drowning in the kingdom of boredom, strugglin in the light for freedom.

[i can't wait for dec 15 to arrive!]

29

2009-11-16T01:08:00.000+08:00

i wonder what you're up to. i can't fathom the intentions but oh, does it matter?

[oh yes! thou shalt maketh the most of time. enjoying life. (: ]

28

2009-11-13T20:57:00.000+08:00

i've been in such a bad mood since this evening that even my old folks were not spared from my wrath.

[i wonder what's wrong with me these days..]

27

2009-11-13T08:35:00.000+08:00

i'm so disappointed in you all.

[selfless acts results in self-suicidal selfishness.]

26

2009-11-11T00:05:00.000+08:00

it's going to be a long day. time for Ex Kingfisher to end.

25

2009-11-08T01:24:00.001+08:00

i asked myself this question lots of time when i have time to myself, alone.

'if one day i could turn back time and head to a particular moment in time, which would it be?'

there are so many things in life i've missed and so many stuffs that i've put off or procrastinate until it comes to a point whereby its too late to even start mending it. time has passed by so quickly and as we walk along and struggle to keep up with the pace, we somehow managed to lose ourselves and overlooked the things that should have been prioritised way higher than before.

thus far, i've not regretted whatever that was done by me in the past. i just missed the times where we had control over our time and do whatever we want as we wished. everyone's moving so fast in their life now that sometimes, i don't know anyone anymore. things have changed, times have changed, people most certainly has changed.

all i want is to go back to the past,
way way back.

[and this,
is how the paper tower crumbles down.]

24

2009-11-03T18:17:00.003+08:00

Juwita Suwito - Breath Again

Have you ever wondered how it feels when its all over
Wondered how it feels when you just have to start a new
Never knowing where you're going
When you face a brand new day
It used to be that way
Now i just close my eyes and say

*i just want to breath again
Learn to face the joy and pain
Discover how to laugh a little, cry a little, live a little more
I just wanna face the day
Forget about the wars of yesterday
Maybe if i hope a little, try a little more
I'll breath again

Starting out again is never easy
Disappointments come and go but life still moves on
With a bit of luck
It's a brand new start
That might just work my way
No need to walk away
Don't want to live life's replay

*i just want to breath again
Learn to face the joy and pain
Discover how to laugh a little, cry a little, live a little more
I just wanna face the day
Forget about the wars of yesterday
Maybe if i hope a little, try a little more
I'll breath again

Things will work out fine
If you can find the courage to look past the night
To see the break of dawn

*i just want to breath again
Learn to face the joy and pain
Discover how to laugh a little, cry a little, live a little more
I just wanna face the day
Forget about the wars of yesterday
Maybe if i hope a little, try a little more
I'll breath again

23

2009-11-01T22:40:00.000+08:00

it's not as if i'm asking you to even do anything or fork out a single cent. you can't even think in my shoes. to think i did so much in the past for you. this is how i'm getting paid back. when i needed support, you do just that to piss me off. job well done.

[sighs. call me a loser. i still miss you so.. ]

22

2009-10-30T19:35:00.003+08:00

well what can i say. at least i walked with you through the darkest hours of your life.

and now, i'm just walking away.

21

2009-10-30T09:20:00.000+08:00

be strong, carol.

20

2009-10-29T12:31:00.000+08:00

to the crazy drunk bitch.

realisation often comes within thyself and this time would be of no exceptions.

i've come to a conclusion not to do anymore advances because of the many factors we've discussed about.

you know what i'm capable of and how you'll be well under my wings. i hope you remember the time you told me i brought lots of smiles to you when everything in life looked dull.

i'm not gonna say much. i believe whatever i did for you is enough to prove my sincerity and how serious i am.

don't ask me to walk away again. ask me to walk though february with you. cos you know i will, as i really want to.

[ps. no more sio ba bng delivery service anytime soon.]

19

2009-10-29T07:32:00.000+08:00

i twisted my ankle. i can't walk. i'm handicapped.

18

2009-10-28T17:02:00.000+08:00

if only things were much simpler.

and you're just hell bent on complicating matters.

[indeed, the words you've said thus far really are very hurtful, now that i really think about it. ]

17

2009-10-27T12:07:00.000+08:00

just fuck off. i'm pissed. very.

16

2009-10-27T06:55:00.000+08:00

i'll stick by you when everyone walks away.

i'll remember when the world forgets.

i'll smile when the world frowns upon you.

i'll still be here when you least expected it.

cos i'll definitely be here when you ~~need me be.~~ want me to.

((:

15

2009-10-24T16:08:00.001+08:00

it's been hell of a week. had an exercise that lasted 3D2N that was mind-boggling and tested lots of my patience. well, there's tougher ones ahead i guess.

and i finally know why and how or even what it is eventually already. we all gotta let it go one way or another. it's just a matter of time and how easy one managed to do it.

after what i went through and stuffs and getting myself up, i've finally realised what it takes for a relationship to really work.

thanks bitch for the wake-up call back to reality. somehow i needed that.

oh oh, i heard i heard from donald yesterday. he is trying to get more info about me. what a loser. downright cowardly bastard.

[ahhhh, i feel so much better suddenly
cheers to a good saturday peeps (: ]

14

2009-10-21T02:39:00.000+08:00

buddy. what have i gotten myself into?

[i can self proclaim that my life is in a mess right now..]

13

2009-10-20T07:51:00.001+08:00

so, what now?

12

2009-10-19T13:14:00.002+08:00

Artiste: 五月天 (Mayday)
Song: 你不是真正的快樂 (You are not truly happy)

人群中哭著你只想變成透明的顏色
In the midst of people, you cried. You just want to become invisible.
你再也不會夢或痛或心動了
You will never dream, get hurt, or get moved again.
你已經決定了你已經決定了
You have already decided, already decided.

你靜靜忍著緊緊把昨天在拳心握著
You quietly endured the pain and held yesterday tightly in your fist.
而回憶越是甜就是越傷人了
The sweeter the memories, the more hurting they are,
越是在手心留下密密麻麻深深淺淺的刀割
And the more they left scars - dense and numerous, deep and faint - in your palms.

你不是真正的快樂你的笑只是你穿的保護色
You are not truly happy. Your smile is just a camouflage you are wearing for protection.
你決定不恨了也決定不愛了
You decided not to hate anymore, and not to love anymore
把你的靈魂關在永遠鎖上的軀殼
And to keep your soul locked up in a lifeless body forever.

這世界笑了於是妳合群的一起笑了
The world laughed, and so you laughed too, just to fit in.
當生存是規則不是你的選擇
When living is a rule, and not your choice.
於是妳含著眼淚飄飄盪盪跌跌撞撞的走著
So you continued walking on, floating about aimlessly, falling and knocking yourself, with tears in your eyes.

你不是真正的快樂你的笑只是你穿的保護色
You are not truly happy. Your smile is just a camouflage you are wearing for protection.
你決定不恨了也決定不愛了
You decided not to hate anymore, and not to love anymore
把你的靈魂關在永遠鎖上的軀殼
And to keep your soul locked up in a lifeless body forever.

你不是真正的快樂你的傷從不肯完全的癒合
You are not truly happy. Your wounds never wanted to fully heal.
我站在你左側卻像隔著銀河
I am standing right beside you, yet it seems that we are separated by the Milky Way
難道就真的抱著遺憾一直到老了然後才後悔著
So are we really gonna carry the regret until we are old, and finally realise it?

你值得真正的快樂你應該脫下你穿的保護色
You deserve to be truly happy. You should take down the camoflage you are wearing to protect yourself
為什麼失去了還要被懲罰呢
Why should you be punished, since you are the one who lost it?
能不能就讓悲傷全部結束在此刻重新開始活著
Can't we put a complete stop to all the sadness, and start life afresh?

- thanks to LYY from facebook.

11

2009-10-13T16:25:00.005+08:00

been looking through the courses i am more likely to take up after my national liability. if there are any more of these courses i've missed out. please please do tell me. (:

Bachelor of science in Finance & Accounting Management
Northeastern University (Kaplan)

Bachelor of Business (Business Administration)
Swinburne University of Technology (Kaplan)

Bachelor of Science (Hons) in Finance
University College Dublin (Kaplan)

Bachelor of Banking & Finance (Hons)
University of Wales (MDIS)

Bachelor of Banking & Wealth Management (Hons)
University of Wales (MDIS)

Bachelor of Science in Accounting & Finance
University of Bradford (MDIS)

Bachelor of Commerce in Banking
University of Murdoch (SMa)

Bachelor of Commerce in Finance
University of Murdoch (SMa)

10

2009-10-12T11:27:00.000+08:00

The Rules of Love - Rule #20

'...you're not being nice in order to make them be nice back. You're being nice because you love them and that's what they deserve.' - extract taken from The Rules of Love by Richard Templar.

9

2009-10-11T19:09:00.000+08:00

[till this very day,
every single thing i've said to you at the
very place and the very time still haunts me

when i walked past that place that day
and the image of you and i flashed in my mind
i can't believe you didn't even come clean with me
when there's so many chances to

you were just so damn downright cruel and heartless
you won't know how much i hate you still..]

8

2009-10-11T19:07:00.000+08:00

i was blogging halfway and i got d/c.

fated it seems. maybe i'll skip all those that i was blogging.

to that someone:

maybe i'm not in the position to say this or maybe i am. i don't really care. but because i've went through that much in life and seen these situations far too many times before, i just don't want you to go through it like the rest.

shit like these happens sometimes and maybe for you, the signs were there for your taking right now unlike mine. i have somewhat seen it coming but i didn't realise that the inevitable would happen and thus got deeply affected it in the process.

like you, i hung on to it and didn't want to let go of it until everything came at me right in the face and somewhat killed my world. thinking back, how stupid was i to even plead and let go of my pride to salvage something that was already lost.

after our conversation on the phone today, i feel that it's clinging on to a lost cause and maybe you do know it. just that like me, you were too involved to let go. let me be selfish and say this, get out of it before you get hurt even more. because i'm selfish for your sake. as what i always say to you, 'you deserve better than this'.

7

2009-10-11T15:24:00.001+08:00

'click' is on cable again although i've watched it countless of times already.

and it never fails to pull my strings.

[i can't conjure the magic in such a short time.
cos i don't know what to do now. even.]

6

2009-10-10T12:22:00.001+08:00

i actually dreamt of you
but my sanity proved me right

i'm so relieved i did the right thing
even in my dream

[should i even be surprised at all?]

5

2009-10-08T11:27:00.000+08:00

I've been reading the book entitled 'the rules of love' and up till now, it's really making hell lot of sense.

no matter whether i know the author or not, he must have been either a psychology guru or he must have been hurt very many times in his love life.

go get the book if you can. cos it's not only teachin you about love or being in love. it's really kind of a nice book.

['if you're still looking for your mr or miss right, best sort this out quick before you meet them....wouldn't want you to blow the whole thing just because someone in your past was stupid enough to betray you.] - from The Rules of Love rule #13 'If you can't trust them, you haven't got a relationship'

4

2009-10-07T21:04:00.001+08:00

it's all an excuse. i've heard it once too many times. and so it seems that nowadays it's more popular and appreciated being the bad guy. cos apparently, the assholes often get the better side of the field.

[gimme a break
i am really tired already.]

3

2009-10-07T10:27:00.000+08:00

mr grumpy didn't have enough sleep. mr grumpy is hungry now. mr grumpy is seriously not in the mood today.

2

2009-10-05T11:36:00.000+08:00

i'm feeling so tired
nothin could get me going today

[thanks for the wonderful weekend
sugar baby magnet ((:]

1

2009-10-04T11:58:00.000+08:00

i'm not supportive of what i'm doing
but more often than not
the heart always overrules the mind
it's tested and proven

[it takes time
but it's healing up well..]