and to a better year ahead

happy 2010 people. (:

do you look back?
do you remember?
do you reminisce?
do you relive the memories?
do you think about it?
do you regret it?
do you miss me?
do you even think about me?

[these are the questions i always ask myself. the questions which i know will never have an answer. ]

after like 13days away from camp, it really feels lazy and kinda awful to book in yet again.

these 13days are like so enjoyable meeting up with people whom i've not seen for a long time! i wouldn't ask for more. i've really had fun. thank you peeps.

[merry christmas and to a happy new year (: ]

i switched on my old laptop just yest night and what greeted me was an old wallpaper that had you in my arms. stared at it for a good 3 secs and stumbled on a folder named after you and proceeded to check out what's inside. BAD MOVE. i saw another 3 photos of us and my heart immediately pulled.

i hate to admit this but i do miss you still.

[i dreamt of you yest
it was a nightmare
i woke up
with tears in my eyes]

blogging while sitting on the train with an aunty beside me.

just had a very enjoyable company cohesion at sentosa with games like beach soccer, beach vball, frisbee. Didn't know like 30+ guys can have fun like that. Everyone with me inclusive got thrown into the sea, making sure all had a sea salt bath.

tml's the big day! seeya all at my party tml ladies and boys! cancelled.

[sunburnt. aunty beside must be thinkin why i'm generating so much heat out. LOL!]

‘the tragedy of life is not how quickly it ended, but how long we took to start it.‘

i saw this post from a friend on facebook. and with that, i've decided not to dwell on the thing that has been harassing me for months and move on with life. no more reasoning, no more talking about it.

[it's a lesson learnt
and i'm grateful and thankful for it]

i had a chat with a friend from camp yest for about an hour during the wee hours and from it, i gained invaluable advice and both of us shared our experiences and stuffs we encountered in life. somehow or rather, we seem to be on the same boat just that it seem that i'm going through what he has went through.

it's quite nice to know that amidst the not-so-good people we've met in life, there are people who really care (or kpo) and genuinely relates to life.

i was lost and confused and nearly wanted to relent and give in, but after this. well, maybe not.

[don't give in. be heartless. make the other party feel guilty. this way, she'll learn from it and hopefully the next time around, she won't hurt another nice guy who comes along. if not, the guy who got hurt will play around hurting other girls. it'll then become a vicious cycle.

what goes around, comes around. the world's already an unfriendly place. let's not make it worse.

love. ]

emotional, nostalgic, regrets.

looking back, i don't really quite make out how everything turned out to be. what we used to have, how we used to spend our time together, why we did those stupid things, when we used to plan our future, how we want our lives would be when we grow old together.

to me, my world crumbled when you decided to take things into your own hands, not giving me even the slightest chance to intervene. to say i didn't suspect a single thing is too much of an overstatement, but its the amount of trust and faith i had in us made me think otherwise. little did i know, you're always there to prove me wrong, that is of no exception.

i have not forgotten any stuffs you told me on that very fateful night, or morning if one should insist, citing the facts that i was over-reliant on you and my character and actions sometimes made you think twice about who you really wanted in the nearer future.

in those close-to-be 2 years where we spent almost all the time we had together, i became too protective and dedicated too much time to you, alienating me from my family and friends. family and friends soon realised the difficulty in locating my whereabouts and gave up on asking me out, knowing i've prioritized all my time to you.

maybe what i wanted for you, wasn't what you wanted from me, but all i did for you, was what i thought was the best for you and us. but in life, i've come to realise that things wouldn't always go as planned, and that's the wonder of it.

to be honest, i think of you at times. i look back at the many memories we once shared. flashes of almost everything we once did together haunts me all the time when i began doing it myself.

the strings to my heart pull all the time when i began thinking back on the times and memories we had. but what really hurts me most, was how you chose to end it all, with a simple lie, via the most insincere way ever, a fucking sms.

[so after all those that i've done for you,
i was nothing but a 7-page sms to you]

to my uip men:

on the whole, i'm very proud of you guys. well done.

[the high spirits you all maintained, overpowering your fatigue levels, are what we looked for, and you all managed to do just that. (: ]

for the first time, i hope you'll see this blog entry.

i really have no idea why, or for whatever reason you called just now. from how much i know you, it wasn't about the singtel stuffs. whatever the reason will or might be, i sincerely hope you'll stop it. how our relationship ended still baffles me but i no longer long for anymore answers. you have what you've wanted and i'm having what i've missed for the past 2 years we're together. no matter how direct or crude it may seem, i just want to have nothing to do with you from today onwards.

[stop acting like you cared,
'cos we've lost what we've had
we'll never be how we used to be
let it go and set me free..]