well what can i say. at least i walked with you through the darkest hours of your life.

and now, i'm just walking away.

be strong, carol.

to the crazy drunk bitch.

realisation often comes within thyself and this time would be of no exceptions.

i've come to a conclusion not to do anymore advances because of the many factors we've discussed about.

you know what i'm capable of and how you'll be well under my wings. i hope you remember the time you told me i brought lots of smiles to you when everything in life looked dull.

i'm not gonna say much. i believe whatever i did for you is enough to prove my sincerity and how serious i am.

don't ask me to walk away again. ask me to walk though february with you. cos you know i will, as i really want to.

[ps. no more sio ba bng delivery service anytime soon.]

i twisted my ankle. i can't walk. i'm handicapped.

if only things were much simpler.

and you're just hell bent on complicating matters.

[indeed, the words you've said thus far really are very hurtful, now that i really think about it. ]

just fuck off. i'm pissed. very.

i'll stick by you when everyone walks away.

i'll remember when the world forgets.

i'll smile when the world frowns upon you.

i'll still be here when you least expected it.

cos i'll definitely be here when you need me be. want me to.

((:

it's been hell of a week. had an exercise that lasted 3D2N that was mind-boggling and tested lots of my patience. well, there's tougher ones ahead i guess.

and i finally know why and how or even what it is eventually already. we all gotta let it go one way or another. it's just a matter of time and how easy one managed to do it.

after what i went through and stuffs and getting myself up, i've finally realised what it takes for a relationship to really work.

thanks bitch for the wake-up call back to reality. somehow i needed that.

oh oh, i heard i heard from donald yesterday. he is trying to get more info about me. what a loser. downright cowardly bastard.

[ahhhh, i feel so much better suddenly
cheers to a good saturday peeps (: ]

buddy. what have i gotten myself into?

[i can self proclaim that my life is in a mess right now..]

so, what now?

Artiste: 五月天 (Mayday)
Song: 你不是真正的快樂 (You are not truly happy)

人 群中 哭著 你只想變成透明的顏色
In the midst of people, you cried. You just want to become invisible.
你再也不會夢 或痛 或心動了
You will never dream, get hurt, or get moved again.
你已經決定了 你已經決定了
You have already decided, already decided.

你 靜靜 忍著 緊緊把昨天在拳心握著
You quietly endured the pain and held yesterday tightly in your fist.
而回憶越是甜 就是 越傷人了
The sweeter the memories, the more hurting they are,
越是在 手心留下 密密麻麻 深深淺淺 的刀割
And the more they left scars - dense and numerous, deep and faint - in your palms.

你不是真正的快樂 你的笑只是你穿的保護色
You are not truly happy. Your smile is just a camouflage you are wearing for protection.
你決定不恨了 也決定不愛了
You decided not to hate anymore, and not to love anymore
把你的靈魂關在永遠鎖上的軀殼
And to keep your soul locked up in a lifeless body forever.

這 世界 笑了 於是妳合群的一起笑了
The world laughed, and so you laughed too, just to fit in.
當生存是規則 不是 你的選擇
When living is a rule, and not your choice.
於是妳 含著眼淚 飄飄盪盪 跌跌撞撞 的走著
So you continued walking on, floating about aimlessly, falling and knocking yourself, with tears in your eyes.

你不是真正的快樂 你的笑只是你穿的保護色
You are not truly happy. Your smile is just a camouflage you are wearing for protection.
你決定不恨了 也決定不愛了
You decided not to hate anymore, and not to love anymore
把你的靈魂關在永遠鎖上的軀殼
And to keep your soul locked up in a lifeless body forever.

你不是真正的快樂 你的傷從不肯完全的癒合
You are not truly happy. Your wounds never wanted to fully heal.
我站在你左側 卻像隔著銀河
I am standing right beside you, yet it seems that we are separated by the Milky Way
難道就真的抱著遺憾一直到老了 然後才後悔著
So are we really gonna carry the regret until we are old, and finally realise it?

你值得真正的快樂 你應該脫下你穿的保護色
You deserve to be truly happy. You should take down the camoflage you are wearing to protect yourself
為什麼失去了 還要被懲罰呢
Why should you be punished, since you are the one who lost it?
能不能就讓 悲傷全部 結束在此刻 重新開始活著
Can't we put a complete stop to all the sadness, and start life afresh?

- thanks to LYY from facebook.

been looking through the courses i am more likely to take up after my national liability. if there are any more of these courses i've missed out. please please do tell me. (:

Bachelor of science in Finance & Accounting Management
Northeastern University (Kaplan)

Bachelor of Business (Business Administration)
Swinburne University of Technology (Kaplan)

Bachelor of Science (Hons) in Finance
University College Dublin (Kaplan)

Bachelor of Banking & Finance (Hons)
University of Wales (MDIS)

Bachelor of Banking & Wealth Management (Hons)
University of Wales (MDIS)

Bachelor of Science in Accounting & Finance
University of Bradford (MDIS)

Bachelor of Commerce in Banking
University of Murdoch (SMa)

Bachelor of Commerce in Finance
University of Murdoch (SMa)

The Rules of Love - Rule #20

'...you're not being nice in order to make them be nice back. You're being nice because you love them and that's what they deserve.' - extract taken from The Rules of Love by Richard Templar.

[till this very day,
every single thing i've said to you at the
very place and the very time still haunts me

when i walked past that place that day
and the image of you and i flashed in my mind
i can't believe you didn't even come clean with me
when there's so many chances to

you were just so damn downright cruel and heartless
you won't know how much i hate you still..]

i was blogging halfway and i got d/c.

fated it seems. maybe i'll skip all those that i was blogging.

to that someone:

maybe i'm not in the position to say this or maybe i am. i don't really care. but because i've went through that much in life and seen these situations far too many times before, i just don't want you to go through it like the rest.

shit like these happens sometimes and maybe for you, the signs were there for your taking right now unlike mine. i have somewhat seen it coming but i didn't realise that the inevitable would happen and thus got deeply affected it in the process.

like you, i hung on to it and didn't want to let go of it until everything came at me right in the face and somewhat killed my world. thinking back, how stupid was i to even plead and let go of my pride to salvage something that was already lost.

after our conversation on the phone today, i feel that it's clinging on to a lost cause and maybe you do know it. just that like me, you were too involved to let go. let me be selfish and say this, get out of it before you get hurt even more. because i'm selfish for your sake. as what i always say to you, 'you deserve better than this'.

'click' is on cable again although i've watched it countless of times already.

and it never fails to pull my strings.

[i can't conjure the magic in such a short time.
cos i don't know what to do now. even.]

i actually dreamt of you
but my sanity proved me right

i'm so relieved i did the right thing
even in my dream

[should i even be surprised at all?]

I've been reading the book entitled 'the rules of love' and up till now, it's really making hell lot of sense.

no matter whether i know the author or not, he must have been either a psychology guru or he must have been hurt very many times in his love life.

go get the book if you can. cos it's not only teachin you about love or being in love. it's really kind of a nice book.

['if you're still looking for your mr or miss right, best sort this out quick before you meet them....wouldn't want you to blow the whole thing just because someone in your past was stupid enough to betray you.] - from The Rules of Love rule #13 'If you can't trust them, you haven't got a relationship'

it's all an excuse. i've heard it once too many times. and so it seems that nowadays it's more popular and appreciated being the bad guy. cos apparently, the assholes often get the better side of the field.

[gimme a break
i am really tired already.]

mr grumpy didn't have enough sleep. mr grumpy is hungry now. mr grumpy is seriously not in the mood today.

i'm feeling so tired
nothin could get me going today

[thanks for the wonderful weekend
sugar baby magnet ((:]

i'm not supportive of what i'm doing
but more often than not
the heart always overrules the mind
it's tested and proven

[it takes time
but it's healing up well..]